Bikers, bulldozers and puppies: It’s all good

flying dog

Occasionally one comes across a news report that cries out for additional information. Given that journalism has been called the “first draft of history,” it’s not surprising that reporters aren’t able to always get complete answers to every question that arises.

Sometimes, though, one has to wonder if an article’s author is an actual living human being, or simply an automaton devoid of curiosity and an awareness of the surreal.

Take this story from the BBC:

A German student “mooned” a group of Hell’s Angels and hurled a puppy at them before escaping on a stolen bulldozer, police have said.

The man drove up to a Hell’s Angels clubhouse near Munich, wearing only a pair of shorts and carrying a puppy.

He dropped his shorts and threw the dog, escaping on a bulldozer from a nearby building site.

He was arrested later at home by police. The 26-year-old is said to have stopped taking depression medication.

After making his getaway on the bulldozer, he had driven so slowly that a 5 (kilometer) (line of vehicles) built up behind him on the motorway.

After driving about 1 (kilometer), he had abandoned the bulldozer in the middle of the motorway, near Allershausen. He continued his journey by hitchhiking.

“What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell’s Angels is currently unclear,” a police spokesman said.

The puppy is now being cared for in an animal shelter.

Reading this, one gets the impression that it’s an everyday occurrence in Germany for individuals to drive up to a Hell’s Angels clubhouse wearing only shorts, moon bikers, throw dogs at them, then abscond by stealing bulldozers.

Are things really that exciting in Germany that this bizarre tale merits the kind of treatment that a grease fire at the local barbecue shack gets here in the US?

And is the best the reporter could get for comment from authorities is “What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell’s Angels is currently unclear”? How about asking the police “Have you ever seen anything like this before?” That is, again, unless this a regular occurrence in the Old World.

Alas, the story leaves the reader confused regarding the cause of just about everything, not just the attempted battery-by-puppy.

Here are other questions that immediately came to mind:

Couldn’t the Hell’s Angels have gotten on their motorcycles and easily caught the pants-dropping, puppy-throwing student? If the pants-dropping, puppy-throwing student was close enough to throw said juvenile canine at them, couldn’t the bikers have caught him right then and there, in fact?

Where were the police when this individual took a bulldozer on the road, and proceeded to create a mess of the roadways, to the point that three miles of vehicles were stuck behind the commandeered piece of earth-moving equipment?

Did the accused have any success in his hitchhiking attempts after abandoning the bulldozer? I don’t know what hitchhiking protocol is in Germany, but here in the US, folks are generally pretty reluctant to pick up individuals clad only in shorts in the middle of winter.

The story states that the pants-dropping, puppy-throwing student recently stopped taking his depression medicine. One suspects there may be more at work here than depression.

But leave it to the reporter to provide an answer the all-important question of the fate of the puppy, as we can all rest easier knowing it’s being cared for in an animal shelter.

The story is yet more proof that Germany’s increasingly stringent laws against the use of a puppy in the commission of a crime has had little effect. As one astute blogger noted, when puppies are outlawed only outlaws will have puppies.

On a serious note, when one rereads the article one gets the impression that the BBC was lightly staffed on the day this “story” was compiled, and, as a result, the assignment was likely shunted off to some (puppy-loving) intern. More proof you get what you pay for.

(Above: Representation of dog flying through the air. Not actual dog mentioned in story. No dogs were harmed in the writing of this story.)

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