WIS: Jesus tells local woman to ‘shut up’

According to a local television news station, Jesus – Son of God and Christianity’s central figure – may have recently had an off day.

A story published on WIS-TV’s website Monday featured this headline: “84-year-old beating victim: “I was calling out to Jesus, and he still told me to shut up.”

But upon reading the story, it becomes apparent that the “he” in the headline is LeRoy Robertson, a convicted sex offender, rather than the savior himself.

Robertson attacked Carol Knight inside a Johnston restaurant last week, she told the television station.

“He just casually came in, you know, I thought it was probably someone that knew me, and I told him that I wasn’t open,” said Knight.  As he slowly walked toward her, “he said ‘this is a hold up’ and I still didn’t believe him.”

She says the suspect said he wanted money, and then began to beat her.

“He started pushing me around and started slapping me in the face, and knocked me on the floor.” The 84-year-old tried to fight back. “I was trying to come back at him, I reckon, and he started choking me and putting his hands over my mouth.”

But he wouldn’t stop, she said. “He kept slapping me and choking me. I was calling out to Jesus, and he still told me to shut up.”

Perhaps WIS’s headline writers would do well to put a little more thought into their work, rather than simply shooting for the most sensationalistic headline possible.