News flash: World chock full o’ idiots

It’s either very sad or very comforting that this - from today’s Myrtle Beach Sun News – is what passes for “breaking news” in South Carolina:

“Woman wets herself during shoplifting arrest”

Rather than try and sum up this earth-shattering development, why not let the Sun News handle the heavy lifting:

A 25-year-old Myrtle Beach woman who was arrested and charged with shoplifting urinated on the ground and was transported to the hospital after claiming she was having a seizure.

Krystal Lynn McMillan was detained by an employee at Ulta Cosmetics in Myrtle Beach, after McMillan allegedly put cosmetic testers and other makeup in her purse at about 5p.m. Wednesday, according to a Myrtle Beach Police Department report.

The incident was captured on surveillance video.

She was released and booked into jail. She was charged with shoplifting first degree and breach of peace.

After police arrived and McMillan was place in handcuffs, she began to scream for her boyfriend and said she needed her medication. She threw herself on the ground and said she couldn’t breathe and was having a seizure.

Emergency Medical Services was contacted. McMillan started spitting on the floor and said she needed to pee and “had explosive diarrhea”, according to the report.

She squatted on the ground and appeared to force herself to urinate, leaving a pool of urine on the ground.

When EMS arrived on the scene McMillan was transported to Grand Strand Regional Medical Center.

As ridiculous as it was for the paper to include this on its website as breaking news, one has to take just a tiny bit of pleasure in the fact that this moron’s actions were highlighted under a headline about her wetting herself, and included details of ”explosive diarrhea.”

The ridicule she’ll face is probably a far worse punishment than any court could ever give out.